We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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