My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize