We named our party play list daddy issues
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
