I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
