I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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