I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Of course I have a pirate flag
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
