i don't like sucking hair
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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