I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
