his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
