I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's just like the Real World with babies
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
