Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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