I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i dont even know how to be here
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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