Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I AM VODKA MAN
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
