so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
