i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
