Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
