Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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