dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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