I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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