Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
