i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
