Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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