woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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