So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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