so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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