I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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