i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
