Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
