I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
