By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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