dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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