we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
