my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
