im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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