Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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