awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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