I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
