Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
