Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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