if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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