it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
