Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
