Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
