i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize