Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
