every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize