out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
