Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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