I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
