So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
