I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize