I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
