he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
