"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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