i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
