i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
