You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
