I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You were trust falling into bushes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
