I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
