Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
