I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
