did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
