So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
