Do you still have your period?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
