Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
