On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
