About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
