No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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