My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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