It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize