If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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